Shiny Things

The funniest thing I've heard in a long time!

I bought my manager a thank you present for fixing my computer over the weekend, it was very good of him and means I am able to work from home because I have a monitor that displays the things I expect instead of a very pretty and unintelligible pattern.

The present is this book:
































Laugh? I was nearly sick! Seriously, I kept trying to walk to the kitchen and had to keep stopping because I was almost losing the ability to stand.

The thing that tickled me was the series of crap English sentences with missing commas and commas in the wrong places, the kind that you find on signs made quickly to advertise things or inform/warn you of something like:

"For sale: A high chair which turns into a table refrigerator microwave pair of shoes size 8 fur coat with large collar" (this one isn't exact but you get the picture!)

"Elephants please stay in your cars"

"Sheep, please keep your dogs under control"

"Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out."

"Wanted man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink"

"We will sell petrol to people in their own plastic container"

"The box contained old Enid Blytons sex books and videos"

Even has some things from doctor's notes:

"The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet."

Honestly, it made me cry. I know this isn't the kind of thing that will reduce everyone to tears but it seriously tickled me. Possibly because I've also read the book it's a parody of (Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss) which is a very good book too...

It was just what I needed after my crap afternoon of non-productive work.

posted by bugexplorer @ 1:16 PM