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We are not sorry for any inconvenience, we don't care about you at all, we have no desire to help you and couldn't care less if you complain about us. We're here to make your life as difficult and frustrating as possible.
Don't have a nice day. Have a terrrible, terrible day. On us.
Yours, absolutely sincerely, please believe us we really mean it.Customer services
Customer disservice
Oh the total luncay of it... the frothing at the mouth stupidity of things...honestly, you can't make this stuff up. A sitcom wouldn't accept it - it's too far fetched.
Here goes: A tale of 2 F***-ups:
Sorry story number 1: All about the carThe car's been breaking over the past couple of weeks and I had to go to 2 different places to get the exhaust fixed. One garage replaced the back section in an emergency and made a temporary 'thing' to hold it to the undercarriage.
The temporary 'thing' lasted 3 days... spent a weekend in as I couldn't drive anywhere because my exhaust was being held off the ground by a belt.
Well, I had to wait until Monday to get it fixed and it was done with a minimum of hassle.
Driving into work on Tuesday morning the fan belt broke. One of my advisors advised that it would be really easy to fix so we tried but a solid bolt defeated us.
So where's the customer service element? The RAC.
I have breakdown cover with them. I bought it over the internet in March. The 1st time I called them - when the new exhaust was trailing on the dark lane when I had no torch - they took half an hour to find any record of me in the system. Each time they tried a new thing to find me they asked for my details
again. I must have spelled my surname 5 times, given my car registration 6 or 7 times, I lost count of the number of times I gave my postcode...
They found me eventually.
Well on Tuesday when I was faced with the solid bolt I called the RAC again to see if they could do a roadside fix to replace a fan belt. No - but to find this out took 20 minutes of them not being able to find any record of me on the system. And yes, they asked for my details
repeatedly.
This brings me to Wednesday. I called a garage to arrange having the fan belt replaced. They needed to get the car to them and offered a recovery service. I decided to use my breakdown recovery so I didn't have to pay the garage's recovery fee.
Yeeeeeees, that's right. They couldn't find me (
ffs).
30 minutes later they established that I exist and arranged a truck (also confirming again that a roadside fix isn't possible). 45 minute ETA on the truck. Call garage (for the umpteenth time to check that this is OK for them). 10 minutes later the truck arrives. Hand over keys to the mechanic who asks for my membership card. Go back into the office to retrieve the card and by the time I get back out he's fixed it!
Fantastic! A positive step for the morning.
He needs to call in my membership details as he's finished. Guess what?
They can't find my details!!!!!! The poor guy got a tirade of
thishashappenedenoughtimes*x@##;*
He called a senior bod and asked them to sort it out.... it had
better be sorted out!
At least the car is fixed (for now).
Sorry story no 2: All about the gas
It's a toss up whether this is story one or two.... because this actually started some time ago when I 1st moved into the new place. I'll give you a quick recap.
I find a house to rent which has a gas token meter that the estate agent and landlord weren't aware of (so didn't inform me).
Because no-one's aware of it the meter is still in the old tenant's name. So the estate agent changes it to theirs temporarily in order to get the gas switched on. This takes a week and a serious amount of faffing.
Finally I get things to a stage where I can apply to replace the token meter with a credit meter.
Or not.
The token meter has to be transferred to my name and a card issued in my name and then I can apply to have it removed.
OK. Fine. It's stupid but I can't do anything about it so fine, go ahead.
Meanwhile I lose any credit that's on the machine when it's reset and once it's reset I can't use the card that's in the estate agent's name (which has £20 credit on it).
A week after the meter was reset I still didn't have my own card - thought nothing much of it, it took that long before. Unfortunately the gas ran out before the card arrived. There was nothing I could do. The old card wouldn't work... next morning I called the customer services line and the conversation went something like this:
'....A brief history of time..... BLAH so I have no gas and a card that doesn't work in the machine...'
"OK, the meter will need to be reset so an engineer will need to visit, I've booked that in for you for this evening between 5 and 8pm. Is there anything else?'
'Yes, please could you check why I haven't received the token card that was issued in my name?'
"Of course. Yes, you haven't received it because it hasn't been sent"
'WHAT!? THAT'S RIDICULOUS'
"[Sympathetically] I know, I'm sorry, I have no idea why that would happen. I've issued it now, it'll get to you within 3 working days."
'[Resignedly] OK, thank you. Can you also tell me what will happen to the credit that's on the card I now can't use'
"[Slightly panicked] you have to return that card!"
'[Patiently] Yes, I know but what will happen to the credit that's on it?'
"If you send it in with the receipt it can be reimbursed."
'OK, fine. Also, is there anywhere there that you can make a note of a complaint?'
"I can give you an address to send the card to and you can write a complaint to that address too."
'OK... hang on - is this the one that's on the website'
"Yes."
'Then I'll get it from there'
"[Enthusastically helpful] OK, no problem. By the way, have you thought of changing from a token meter to a credit meter?"
"[Turning slightly purple, vaguely amused and laughing as a preference to crying and being infinitely patient and trying to remember it's not his fault]
Yes.
That's what I've been trying to do, I have to switch to a meter in my name 1st."
'Oh.
I see.'
(Pause)
'[Aprehensively] You'll have to go through a credit check.'
"Yes, I know, that's not a problem."
'[Genuinely helpful] Well if you call us in the morning with a meter reading we'll put you straight through to the department that deals with that and they can arrange it for you over the phone'
"[Stunned surprise] OK, I'll do that, thank you"
(some cameraderie and banter and goodbye)
OK an engineer is expected for that evening, between 5 and 8pm.
At 7.50 I called them to see where the engineer was and was assured he was on the way, just held up at a previous house. 9pm came and went, 10pm came and went, 11pm..... next morning I called to see what had happened to the engineer.
Phone call number 1 went like this:
"Oh dear, no engineer, let me book another one for you. I can book that in for tomorrow."
'No, I want someone to come out today'
"I can't do that, it has to be booked 48 hours in advance"
'No it doesn't I booked someone on the day yesterday - the guy who didn't turn up'
"Appointments have to be booked 48 hours in advance"
'Do you have a supervisor I can speak to please?'
"Managers don't take phone calls. I can put a request through the system for a manager to call you within 4 hours."
'OK, fine, do that'
Followed immediately by phone call no 2:
"Oh dear, no engineer, let me book another one for you. OK, that's booked in for 5-8pm this evening. Let me just check whether the engineer's reports have been entered onto the system.
If the report states that they didn't make it to you last night you'll receive £20 compensation.
There aren't any reports on there at the moment but if there's an entry that states the appointment was missed and you didn't get a card through the door you'll be compensated.
Do call back if there's anything further."
'-'
'Continued stunned silence from me'
Engineer arrives promptly at 5 and claims to have visited the previous day in the afternoon (when the house would have been empty) and that he left a card. A mysterious, invisible card that I don't see....
Luckily the token card in my name has arrived because the meter can't be reset without it.....
Oh my God.
Ahem, excuse me, this Island is broken, can I get off please?
My money back?
What, there's no helpline for broken countries?
Oh dear God.
PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME OFF!!!!
Another bit of the car broke
Fan belt's been slipping the past 2 weeks. This morning it finally got chewed right off.
So my lunchtime 'Car mechanic snack' was finding out where the belt should live and trekking to the garage to buy a new one.
By this evening I will know how to put one on.
This morning I learned the sound of the belt being chewed through.
Ah, the learning curve continues....Soon I won't have to judge a car on the shade of its paintwork, soon I will be able to look a car in the arse and know its make. From further away than 2 paces I'll know the difference between a Ford and a Peugeot. Camshaft will no longer sound like a foul insult and lifting the bonnet will not induce static interference any more.....
....Soon......
All about me
Try it yourself - it's really good!
Car falling to pieces already
Well, it's happened sooner than I thought.
I've been told by my various advisors (whose very sound advice I've been paying close attention to) that I should expect my car to break since it was so cheap.
I was hoping to have it for more than 6 weeks though.
The exhaust broke properly last week. I knew the back section was blowing (hark at me, I sound like I actually know what that means - actually I do! Observe my surprise!). Well, it started to really make a racket and then it fell down and dragged on the ground, threatening to fall off in pieces. The bit of the undercarriage that it attaches to is falling to pieces and needs to be replaced - a welding job, I'm told.
The garage I was at to have the exhaust fixed urgently, had no welding facilities so they made a temporary fix for me to keep the new, shiny exhaust from trailing along the ground.
Unfortunately it didn't last long.
2 days later I was on the way to the shop (9.30pm) and got about a mile away from home and it fell down again.
I had to improvise a means to keep it off the ground, in the dark with no source of light, by the side of an unlit main road going out into a village with no streetlights.
The only thing I had to tie it up with was the black belt I was wearing.
Had to drive very, very slowly home and had a really, really long queue of shiny, silver, working cars behind me when I turned off the main road. (And before someone asks, yes I have breakdown cover, yes I called them out, and yes I went through almost 30 minutes of repeating my details because they couldn't find me and then when they did it was a 60 minute wait for a van to get to me).
In the boot of the car you will now find a very clean and shiny towrope, a large maglite torch a couple of bungees and a set of jump leads. I'm trying to get prepared for further breakages.
I will be investing in a petrol can for when I push it too far before filling up. This is likely to happen because I have serious issues removing the petrol cap. It's tricky and so far I've only managed to fill up twice without someone stopping to ask if I'm OK - in fact the 1st time I tried to fill up it was freeeeeeezing cold! I absolutely couldn't get the cap off and I couldn't feel my hands, I'd been at it for 30mins. Thankfully the guy who stopped to help also had trouble with it! Phew! I didn't feel quite so girly and crap after that. Although being offered assistance on the next 2 filling occasions did nothing for me.... I said I was OK though - it wasn't half past midnight and freezing cold and I was determined to get the damn thing off!!
OK, rant over.
Inside the house part 1: And so to bed
So, I had this great idea that the whole house would be ready for public viewing all at the same time.
Oh poor, deluded fool that I am.
I'll be more realistic.
One room at a time.
So, here we are... the 1st room to have some air of completeness to it... ta daaa!
The bedroom...
Before:
In the middle:
That's the inflatobed making out it's a real one. It's smug because I didn't get a picture of it set up in the living room amid the chaos of the 1st week here. (The house had that deeply ingrained cold of having been empty for some time so downtairs was the warmest place to be. And upstairs had no curtains.)
After:
That's the bed and chest of drawers that I built, all by mynown self [large amounts of smugness].
So, I'm going to finish my wine, have a shower and go to sleep in a real bed for the 1st time in a month.
Aaaaaah!
I may be late for work tomorrow.....
Some pictures
The new car:
I keep forgetting there's no 5th gear and trying to go into it! The car doesn't like that....
I've already lost a hub cap - not sure if it came off and I didn't notice or if someone took it...
Saying bye to fickle Rosie. She slept beside me for over a month, chased my feet twice a day, gently pawed my nose when she wanted breakfast and I was being lazy and she didn't even want to say goodbye.
Oh well.
New place from the outside. I'll do inside when it's not full of boxes and clutter and actually looks like a house and not a bedsitcumstudenthouse.
And here it is, 15 years of looking at a computer monitor at work (and a lot of the time outside of work)....
Glasses for VDU use!
Umm, on second thoughts - no. There are pics of me wearing them but have you ever tried to take a serious picture of yourself? Honestly - I thought I was doing alright but now I've looked at them I've laughed myself almost sick! There's no way I can publish those!
OK, what else is there?
Oh yes, I know, proof that I wasn't exaggerating - that wasp
was massive (for a wasp, I mean it's not like it was 3 feet long or anything). Well, here it is:
What? You want some perspective? Well, isn't lucky I measured it:
That's possibly a little dark - it was a full inch long even after it had been squashed. When it was alive and buzzing, with its antennae out and stuff it was over an inch. A most imposing specimen. Which was why I had to kill it.
Well, what else can I dredge up (now that I've obviously reached the bottom of something)....
Ah! It was a gorgeous day the other day... I went a little loopy driving in all directions and parking in mud ruts to get pics of the stunning sky...
These were taken on the way from Olney to Milton Keynes Centre (via the back route)
I follwed a rainstorm into MK so the clouds were stunning all the way, I just couldn't stop to take pics cos there was someone behind me and nowhere really practical to stop. Plus, once you're on that route it's such good fun to drive it it's hard to..... go slow....look for stopping place..... blah, blah, blah, yaaaaawn....
Anyway, the sky continued its drama....look:
Went exploring in Olney on Sunday, there's a farmer's market on the 1st Sunday of the month - missed it cos I was waiting for my bed to be delivered. It was well windy and by the time I got there most of the stalls had been blown away (just got a rose Geranium - love the smell, almost like turkish delight).
Found a gorgeous deli shop though and could have bought one of each thing in there. Managed to control myself to just cheese, olives, fresh garlic, fresh meringues fresh roast smoked ham and solid cream.... local eggs in the meringue, local pig for the ham... was really, really tasty!
So, Olney has everything you could want, local produce shops, tasty things shops, convenience shops, takeaways, countryside and llamas.
Yes. Llamas. As I was driving home past one of the farms I passed a field full of Llamas.
See!
Drat!
Karma.
Killed a wasp.
Got a cold.
Tried to banish it by repeating 'I'm not ill' each time I sneeze but it's just not listening.
Going to kill it with lemsip and go to bed.
